Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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