The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
