please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
