I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
These tits shall not be calmed
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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