Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
