Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
