Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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