So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
