I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
