Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
