I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
