Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
