I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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