This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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