who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
