didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
