Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
