as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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