Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
