I didn't shave. On purpose
Where is the hickey?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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