somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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