I looked at my own cervix.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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