He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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