first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My penis needs a shock collar
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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