people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize