Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
