He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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