what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
