I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Found your dick twin last night
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
