Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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