So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
