Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
