i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize