I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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