I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
