I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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