thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
