I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
