I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
