Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
