all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
