so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
