You're my little dorito
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
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