sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
