I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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