I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
