just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
