first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize