There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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