Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
