He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
