if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
