ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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