i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
