so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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