I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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