State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
