She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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