i think i have herpe
just one?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
