last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
