All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
