So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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