I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
