Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
he quoted the bible to break up with me
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
